November 29, 2009

The Prologue

It's been a long and hard two years. Something as simple as "making a baby" has at times consumed my every thought. There were days where I thought of nothing else. And then days when I didn't think about it at all.

Then in February 2009, it happened. After 14 months of waiting, I got pregnant. Oh, we were so excited. A Baby! Finally! The planning began. I quickly gained a belly and those ultrasound pics were treasured! Then out of the blue, it was over. 13 weeks. That's all I got. No reason. No rhyme. Just the end. Then a period of mourning. Days of overwhelming grief. Nights of fist shaking at God. Pitty party after pity party. Then came the support. Oh my. People I hadn't heard from in years came out of the woodwork to encourage us. I can never repay all the kindness that was shown to me. It helped me come out from under my rock and move forward.

So for the next few months it got easier. And then after a gut-spilling conversation with a dear friend also going through the crazy battle of conceiving a baby, the peace finally came. I could move foward and accept whatever God gave me. And the healing TRULY began. No more emotional breakdowns. I was happy to live every day with my husband and dear son.

Then in October, right at the end of my monthly cycle, we made changes. The first and most important was a day of fasting and prayer. Prayers to God for His rememberence of our family. Asking for that special miracle of another child--or the miracle of peace through acceptance and moving foward. Then I changed some things in my diet. No more pop. No more caffeine. No more fast-food (something I should have done AGES ago). Increased supplement intake.

And then came the hard week before Thanksgiving--the week I was supposed to be having a baby. It was difficult, but I did it with God's help. And then came Thanksgiving week. And...

what's this?

I'm late?

I'm 2 days late?

3 days late?

4 days late? Dare I hope? And yet, my temperature chart seemed like it was saying "yes!"

And so I took a simple test. I asked my son what he saw...

"Two Lines, mommy."

Two lines. And that is where this story begins.