8 Weeks Pic

Just posting a pic of us for this week, Blue...

There is a smidge of a bump, but not enough to eliminate me from wearing my last few pairs of jeans and shirts! I'm sure that's going to change over the next couple weeks! LOL!

I love you forever!

8 weeks 5 days

Dear Baby Blue,

Ah my luv! You've grown! You are now 3/4"! For someone so small, you sure do make mommy tired! I am always sleepy and find myself taking cat naps throughout the day. I still have some morning sickness, but like it was with your brother, it rarely affects me in the morning. I believe a better name would be "Whenever you least expect it" Sickness! LOL! But, that is okay. Morning sickness means that I'm pregnant with you. And that is the only way I would have it right now.

Mmm, people have asked me what gender I think you are. I must admit, I do believe you are another little boy! Thus far your heartbeat is in the 140's which is supposed to be *boy*. And I just feel like I'm going to have an all male household! Good thing that I am "experienced" with your brother, luv! Perhaps I might be wrong, but I just have this *feeling*. If you are a delightful little girl, then I beg your pardon! I am MORE then ready to play dress up with a princess! LOL! Regardless of your gender, you will be loved because you are just you!

This is the last week of the year 2009. 2010 holds some exciting things...mostly you, little Blu! School will start back up for me on January 5th. I do wonder what it will be like being pregnant this trimester. It will probably make the pregnancy go by even faster, as by the time the semester is over, I will be 6 months along!

Well, my dear Blue...I need to go snack on something as you are making me feel a bit off. Don't feel bad, though. I adore feeling off because of you!

I love your forever and pray for you always.

7 weeks 4 days

Good morning Lil' Blue!
I hope that you are staying healthy even though I'm a tad bit sick. This weather you are luckily avoiding is quite a mess! It gave your big brother a cold and now me! But I'm confident we'll be 100% better soon.

I took a picture of us today. I thought it would be fun to document how we grow each week. I might regret this later when your mommy looks like she ate a watermelon whole...but for now I think it will be fun to see how we are changing.


I've compared how we look today to how I looked with your little brother or sister I lost earlier this year and I think I look about the same. I would compare how we look to when I was pregnant with your brother Seth, but your daddy hadn't bought me my digital camera yet. So I don't have any photos from that early.

All I know is that you are making wearing my jeans quite difficult, luv! LOL! Me thinks that I will be wearing my "fat" jeans before too much longer. I've already had to retire two pairs of my regular jeans because they were putting too much pressure on you.

You know, I think the Daily Verse that is on my blog today is just perfect to add to my memory verses. It's from 1 John 3:21-22 and says:

"Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight."

Isn't that just the nicest verse? I especially like the second half because you are living proof of this. We prayed and prayed and prayed and fasted and prayed for you. We obeyed God and kept His commandments and then God in His infinite greatness and kindness decided that He would grant us what we have asked so earnestly for--You! You are our little blessing, Blue. I'm thinking that maybe we will try to name you something that reflects this...but there is time to work all of that out.

Well, your mommy needs to go do some housework. It's not exactly her most favorite thing to do, but it is necessary to keep your daddy from going crazy. Not that your mommy doesn't enjoy making daddy crazy sometimes...but I need to do all the housework I can right now, because when you get bigger, I will too! And that will make it much more difficult.

I'm thinking that you and I both need some lunch--how does Chicken and Potatoes sound? I think it sounds delightful! And then maybe some muffins for dessert? Mmm, glad you agree! LOL!

Well, my darling Little Blue, I will say tootles for now...

I love you now and forever,

7 weeks 1 day

Dear Poppyseed...

well luv, you are no longer my poppyseed! I think you have officially grown into a blueberry! Well, we are quite partial to blueberries on my side of the family.

Today is my 30th birthday and the best present I received was seeing your picture! I was so nervous that I cried all the way to the doctors office, but once I heard "Ah, this is good!" then I felt the anxiety just float away. It was such a blessing to be able to see you and your little heart pulsing. I even got to hear it too. Amazing how such a simple sound can bring such joy to a mother's heart. They say you are growing well which is music to my ears. There are a lot of people praying for you, you know. When you grow up, I will tell you all about it. You are my little gift from God.

Your daddy finally said I could tell everyone about you and it was so much fun to do it!

Your mum-mum was beside herself with joy and praised God immeadiately! She's quite humorous when she's excited. (giggle). She's got all kinds of plans now.

Your papa was delighted too. He's coming out here in March and I know he will enjoy patting my belly trying to send you his love.

Your little brother isn't so sure. He likes looking at your picture...but is still worried about his toys. Don't worry, little blueberry. He'll love you when he finally makes your acquaintance.

Your mamaw was quite tickled and enjoyed looking at your picture.

And most of all, your daddy was happy. He's very thankful of your existance and prays daily for your continued growth and health. He's a fabulous man and the best daddy a little blueberry like you could hope for. You are going to wrap him around your little finger from the moment he lays eyes on you.

And so my darling little blueberry, today was all the I could have wished for in a birthday. One that I will never ever forget. God gave me the greatest birthday gift I could ever receive by blessing me with you.

I love you forever, little blue...

6 Weeks 2 Days

My little poppyseed...you are bigger now. Not a peanut by any means, but getting bigger every day. Today was my first prenatal appointment and it went well. They drew some blood to check some things so make sure you are growing okay. It was nice to be able to talk about you to someone...

And the best news was that I get to see you on my birthday! What a delightful way to celebrate turning 30! Seeing you healthy with a great heartbeat is all I could ask for as a present...and your daddy says that if everything looks great, then I will get to tell your grandma about you. She's going to be so excited!

Your brother has decided that he doesn't think a baby is a good idea any more. But don't worry, he'll get used to the idea and love you when you are born. He's just not sure about the idea of you being here to share the attention...or rather that he might have to share his toys with you...He's silly. I'm trying to give him as much attention as I can right now, because I know before too long I'll be back at school and then I'll get to the point where I won't be able to pick him up anymore for fear of hurting you, my love...but that's okay.

I love your more then you will ever know and pray that God keeps you safe and healthy...

Love forever,

5 Weeks 3 Days

Dear baby poppyseed,

It's 5 weeks, 3 days today. So far, no nausea and no real other symptoms. In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that I've gotten two positive pregnancy tests and no period, then I would wonder if you were even there! I know it probably won't stay like this, but for now I'm enjoying it.

My cravings thus far have been pineapple and sparkling cider. I must say dear poppyseed, that you have great taste!

Your daddy is worried about telling people of your existence, so I haven't told your grandparents or other relatives about you yet. Your brother doesn't know you are there either. But sometimes I think he senses that you are. He pointed to a toy catalog and showed me some things that "we have to buy for the baby." So far he's only pointing at dollies, so I think he's sure that a baby will be a girl. We'll see if he's right.

I was able to get my medical stuff squared away, so on Monday I'll be making my first pre-natal appointment for you and me. This will start my endless sessions of having to go potty on demand. LOL!

I hope that we will get to meet you in 35 weeks. I'm dying to see your face. It hasn't invaded my dreams yet, but I know it will some day.

May God keep you growing healthy and keep you safe...

4 Weeks 5 Days

Little poppyseed. That's all you are. And yet, you are already so loved.
Oh the family that is waiting for you.

The daddy who will love you so much--who will coo at you, tickle your feet, smile into your eyes.

The big brother who wants a playmate--with such a heart full of love, ready to share his toys with you--unless you are girl, then you have to get your own!

And your mommy---your mommy who has prayed with tears in her eyes for your existence, beseeching God for your life. your mommy who will go through anything in her pregnancy as long as you are in her arms at the end.

We are eager to make this journey of growth. To see me grow as you do. To see you in black and white on the screen. To learn whether you are a boy or a girl. To make plans for your life.

We just pray that we will be able to officially make your acquaintance some time around August 6th, 2010.

We are waiting to shower you with love...so grow my little poppyseed, grow strong and healthy.

Love you forever,

The Prologue

It's been a long and hard two years. Something as simple as "making a baby" has at times consumed my every thought. There were days where I thought of nothing else. And then days when I didn't think about it at all.

Then in February 2009, it happened. After 14 months of waiting, I got pregnant. Oh, we were so excited. A Baby! Finally! The planning began. I quickly gained a belly and those ultrasound pics were treasured! Then out of the blue, it was over. 13 weeks. That's all I got. No reason. No rhyme. Just the end. Then a period of mourning. Days of overwhelming grief. Nights of fist shaking at God. Pitty party after pity party. Then came the support. Oh my. People I hadn't heard from in years came out of the woodwork to encourage us. I can never repay all the kindness that was shown to me. It helped me come out from under my rock and move forward.

So for the next few months it got easier. And then after a gut-spilling conversation with a dear friend also going through the crazy battle of conceiving a baby, the peace finally came. I could move foward and accept whatever God gave me. And the healing TRULY began. No more emotional breakdowns. I was happy to live every day with my husband and dear son.

Then in October, right at the end of my monthly cycle, we made changes. The first and most important was a day of fasting and prayer. Prayers to God for His rememberence of our family. Asking for that special miracle of another child--or the miracle of peace through acceptance and moving foward. Then I changed some things in my diet. No more pop. No more caffeine. No more fast-food (something I should have done AGES ago). Increased supplement intake.

And then came the hard week before Thanksgiving--the week I was supposed to be having a baby. It was difficult, but I did it with God's help. And then came Thanksgiving week. And...

what's this?

I'm late?

I'm 2 days late?

3 days late?

4 days late? Dare I hope? And yet, my temperature chart seemed like it was saying "yes!"

And so I took a simple test. I asked my son what he saw...

"Two Lines, mommy."

Two lines. And that is where this story begins.