November 29, 2009

4 Weeks 5 Days

Little poppyseed. That's all you are. And yet, you are already so loved.
Oh the family that is waiting for you.

The daddy who will love you so much--who will coo at you, tickle your feet, smile into your eyes.

The big brother who wants a playmate--with such a heart full of love, ready to share his toys with you--unless you are girl, then you have to get your own!

And your mommy---your mommy who has prayed with tears in her eyes for your existence, beseeching God for your life. your mommy who will go through anything in her pregnancy as long as you are in her arms at the end.

We are eager to make this journey of growth. To see me grow as you do. To see you in black and white on the screen. To learn whether you are a boy or a girl. To make plans for your life.

We just pray that we will be able to officially make your acquaintance some time around August 6th, 2010.

We are waiting to shower you with grow my little poppyseed, grow strong and healthy.

Love you forever,

The Prologue

It's been a long and hard two years. Something as simple as "making a baby" has at times consumed my every thought. There were days where I thought of nothing else. And then days when I didn't think about it at all.

Then in February 2009, it happened. After 14 months of waiting, I got pregnant. Oh, we were so excited. A Baby! Finally! The planning began. I quickly gained a belly and those ultrasound pics were treasured! Then out of the blue, it was over. 13 weeks. That's all I got. No reason. No rhyme. Just the end. Then a period of mourning. Days of overwhelming grief. Nights of fist shaking at God. Pitty party after pity party. Then came the support. Oh my. People I hadn't heard from in years came out of the woodwork to encourage us. I can never repay all the kindness that was shown to me. It helped me come out from under my rock and move forward.

So for the next few months it got easier. And then after a gut-spilling conversation with a dear friend also going through the crazy battle of conceiving a baby, the peace finally came. I could move foward and accept whatever God gave me. And the healing TRULY began. No more emotional breakdowns. I was happy to live every day with my husband and dear son.

Then in October, right at the end of my monthly cycle, we made changes. The first and most important was a day of fasting and prayer. Prayers to God for His rememberence of our family. Asking for that special miracle of another child--or the miracle of peace through acceptance and moving foward. Then I changed some things in my diet. No more pop. No more caffeine. No more fast-food (something I should have done AGES ago). Increased supplement intake.

And then came the hard week before Thanksgiving--the week I was supposed to be having a baby. It was difficult, but I did it with God's help. And then came Thanksgiving week. And...

what's this?

I'm late?

I'm 2 days late?

3 days late?

4 days late? Dare I hope? And yet, my temperature chart seemed like it was saying "yes!"

And so I took a simple test. I asked my son what he saw...

"Two Lines, mommy."

Two lines. And that is where this story begins.